Meeting Ker
I met Ker Thitham during my backpacking trip in Laos. Ker was the nightshift outdoor receptionist at the lovely Xayana Homestay in Luang Prabang. Upon arrival at the homestay, Ker greeted me with a soft and polite voice. He spoke decent English, but it was clear that the language did not come naturally to him. Nevertheless, he gave me a great detailed explanation of the city and a whole list of activities that I could do during my stay.
After meeting with Ker, I settled down in my room and struggled to fall asleep. It was well past midnight, and I was still busy planning my next few days in the city ( a common backpacker activity). I decided to pay Ker a second visit at the reception table to get his opinion on two activities I was debating between. To my surprise, I saw Ker curled up, sleeping on the reception bench. I was surprised as I never got the impression that he was a lazy employee who would sleep on the job.
The next evening I saw Ker again. I sat down and asked him for help with my dilemma from the day before. Out of curiosity for one another’s background, our conversation extended past touristic topics. Hours flew by and soon enough, I had learned about Ker’s entire life story and why he was sleeping on that bench the day before.
Ker's Life Story
See, Ker had taken the receptionist job because it provided him three things in his life, money, internet access, and a place to sleep. That bench I saw him sleeping on, yes, that was his bed. He worked 12-hour night shifts, seven days a week, and made $4 a day (low for even Laos standard). He explained to me how his salary was not nearly enough to get by and how there were days he would have to skip all his meals to save for his future college tuition.
As I mentioned, Ker didn’t take this job only for its (low) pay. Having the front desk bench gave Ker a safe place to sleep. Working for a hotel that had free Wi-Fi and a front desk computer also meant Ker could utilize the internet to educate himself. Additionally, working in the hospitality industry required interactions with guests, and Ker utilized this to test out his English with people like myself. Learning English was valuable to Ker’s life as he had aspirations to study communications at Luang Prabang University. Given that many jobs in Laos were tourism jobs, English was a critical skill for those looking to stand out in their college and/or job applications.
Where is Ker’s family through all this, you might ask? They live in the Pakxeng district located five hours away from Luang Prabang. Their home, made of bamboo branches, is located in the rural part of the city where there is no access to electricity. Without electricity, Ker has no way of communicating with his family without visiting them. I asked Ker why he had come to Luang Prabang, despite knowing he would rarely get to see or hear from his family; He explained to me how his village provided few opportunities for a better life. His family lived a life full of hardship and struggle, and he was determined to help them out of poverty. How did he plan to do this? He believed education, English, and a college degree would help him get a higher paying job where he could support his family and bring them into the city.
Ker’s resourcefulness and determination amazed me, and I found myself spending hours each night by the front desk talking to him and providing him company. When we weren’t talking, sometimes I’d see him trying to read the dry English books left behind the desk, and other times I’d catch him doing grammar worksheets online. Most of the time, however, Ker just wanted to talk and find out how he was doing with the English language.
Filling My Cup
Of all the things I discovered about Ker, the one thing I really could not understand about him was his ability to stay smiling and appreciative. His mindset on life was almost a slap in the face to my attitude on life back home. All the things I complained about and felt sorry for myself about felt minuscule to the struggle that Ker was facing daily, yet Ker probably smiled more times in a day than I did in a week. How could this be possible? I had a college degree, a home in New York City, and a cell phone and computer-how could this 19-year-old kid be a more appreciative person than I was?
If his positive attitude wasn’t enough, on my last day in the city, Ker did something that will forever be one of the most incredible things I’ve seen on any of my travel journeys. It began when I asked Ker for more information about Luang Prabang’s famous Monk Feeding ceremony. He was very excited to see my interest in his culture and told me that he would leave the desk and take me to the event himself. When we arrived, he told me all about the importance of this ceremony and said he’d show me how to participate in it properly. Ker then stood up, went to a store, and paid the store owner the equivalent of his entire day’s salary. She handed him some clothes, and he turned and handed them to me.
“To do this ceremony properly, you must wear a Lao suit, so I rented one for you,” he explained. I scrambled to open my wallet and pay him back, but he would not accept my money.
“My honor my dear brother,” he said as he rejected my bills. I was shocked and could not believe what he had just done for me.
The Big Lesson
What Ker did that day still amazes me. How did a person, who sleeps on a bench, making 33 cents an hour, with no time to study, and a desperate desire to get his family out of extreme poverty, find the heart to lend his time and money to a stranger? Can you ever imagine a situation where you would go to work and, after a long tiring day, giving all the money you made to a person you met five days ago, despite knowing how badly you needed that money?
What I learned from Ker’s actions was this: There is never a wrong time to fill another person’s cup if it is the type of person you aspire to be. Of course, when I reference cups, I am referencing the famous and often misused quote that states: “Fill your cup first before filling others.” The misusage of this quote comes when people justify a delay in their kind acts for a later and more convenient time in their lives. In reality, the quote is meant to tell people to love themselves first before attempting to help others.
A financial adviser would have probably screamed at Ker, urging him to keep the money he so desperately needed for himself. Honestly, they would be partially right too. The smart financial thing to do would have been to save that money, invest it in himself, get his family out of poverty, and then focus on buying things for other people. But this is not how Ker thought about this decision. For him, it was a simple, easy, and natural choice aligned with his life values and beliefs. By renting me that suit, Ker was carrying himself in the way he believed was the right way to live life…no matter what his situation may have been. He believed in being appreciative and making others happy, so in his mind, as long as he did this, the financial sacrifice was worth it.
Ker, unknowingly with his actions, opened my eyes to this concept of consistency in values. His actions taught me that having good values and beliefs are only genuine and worthwhile if we are willing to display them in the face of hardship and struggle. Ker was his best and most impactful self during his hardest of times, and that is not easy to do. As the famous saying goes, “What we are willing to face hardship for can show us what truly matters most to us,” and with Ker, it was evident that being a generous human was important to him.
If Ker can live in poverty and still find the heart to open his wallet for others, we all have no excuse when it comes to being consistent in our own actions and the values they represent. There is no excuse for caring for children, but to then buy products from stores that don’t support proper child labor laws. There is no excuse for wanting to protect our elders from COVID, but to then refuse to quarantine because it is too boring. There is no excuse for loving our earth, but to then throw trash on the ground because there are no trash cans nearby. I can go on and on with the examples, but my point is clear; Let’s not be good people just when it suits us best.
As individuals, we should not choose to bring out our values when it seems easy to do so, but then turn the other way when it causes us discomfort or hardship. I will be the first to admit I have been a participant in this selectiveness many times in my life, but after meeting Ker, I have realized the importance of striving for consistency in my actions. Who I am and want to be should never be compromised by what my situation is. If I were to die tomorrow, I’d rest a bit easier knowing I put my best foot forward every day of my life. While Ker may have taken a step back from his goals by losing day’s worth of savings, he certainly and undoubtedly took his best and most impactful step forward that day. It is one thing to fill someone’s cup when you have quenched your thirst, but another to do so when you are dying for water. Thank you Ker for choosing to fill my cup first.
Ker Today
Ker has accomplished so much since I last met him in February 2020. He was able to take a step forward towards his dream when he passed his university exams! He is now attending University in Luang Prabang studying Communication Services.
Unfortunately, Ker’s struggles don’t end here. Studying by day and working by night is not an easy schedule to manage. Paying for tuition is also still a challenge with his salary. Ker only eats dinner on select days to save up for school, and when he does eat, it is usually just a bowl of white rice (the cheapest food available).
For the incredible act of kindness Ker showed me, I have made it a personal goal to make sure Ker gets enough food and money to finish schooling and accomplish his goals and dreams.
If Ker’s story moved you and you would like to help him out, please feel free to contact Earth’s Corner via email, or message me directly (if you know me) to donate money directly. Additionally, I have created a Facebook Fundraiser for those who would prefer to donate that way. Money goes a long way in Laos, so every bit helps! For those that do not wish to donate, sharing this article can be helpful as well!
Please do not feel obligated to do either of the above.
Really touched my heart. If all of us could have just a fraction of Ker’s attitude towards life the world would be a better place.
A wonderful and uplifting story about a young man with a beautiful soul. Ker, you have much to teach us.