Meditating for 6-8 hours a day for 7 straight days while not being able to talk, use my phone, listen to music, read, write or engage in any other distractions, was the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I’m not an emotional person but my Vipassana meditation retreat was full of unexpected emotions.
What is Vipassana meditation you might be wondering? Well, Vipassana by definition, means to see things as they really are. This is exactly the goal of Vipassana meditation as you are giving your brain time and space to clear out thoughts and understand its inner workings. Retreats usually help assist in developing this understanding as they remove outside distractions and allow your brain time to release subconscious thoughts that occupy it on a daily basis. Vipassana retreats are now offered all over the world as they have been known to change many people’s lives. Usually, retreats are done in 7,10 or 21 (advanced) days.
I took a leap of faith on my backpacking trip and attempted the 7-day course with little prior meditation experience. Here is a detailed journey through my incredible experience with quite possibly the most important week of my life.
Vipassana Meditation Retreat: Day 1
The whole experience started with frustration. The first day, the hardest thing for me was trying to pass time. In a Vipassana meditation retreat, you cannot talk, write, read, listen to music, eat afternoon or pretty much do anything besides be with yourself. This is extremely challenging to transition to because most of us need entertainment or distractions all the time.
The first day when I checked in and waited for my meditation lesson from a monk, I had an hour to kill and was so lost in my empty room. “How am I going to get through this week” I kept thinking. I was frustrated that I couldn’t do any of the things I’m used to doing with downtime and so I tried walking around. That got old quickly and I just napped out of boredom since it makes time go faster. I was not happy to be here and wondered what I had done and why I decided to sign up for this. I got through the day and got through a few hours of night meditation before going to sleep with no music or TV. The whole day just felt weird and uncomfortable. It was a rough start, to say the least.
Vipassana Meditation Retreat: Day 2-3
Day two and three were the hardest days of my life. On the first day, I checked into the meditation center in the afternoon so I had not experienced a real days schedule yet (5 am-9 pm). Day two was the first real test. This day, like every day, started with something called Dharma talk. Dharma talk was essentially an hour-long talk from the head monk who would teach us about our brain and life in general. The talks were amazing and the monk had some eye-opening insights to life. Besides having to wake up at 5 am for this, I loved every minute of Dharma talk. Each day I learned a new lesson about life and those lessons can be found below.
After the talk ended, however, the real challenges began. During the talks, I at least had something to be engaged with. Now, most of the day would be spent in silence alternating between walking meditation, sitting meditation, and silent breaks. There were breakfast and lunchtimes, but apart from this and an evening chanting, I was alone and on my own, free to mediate anywhere I wanted.
Days two and three felt extremely long and difficult to get through. Frustration would kick any time I started to meditate as I realized my mind couldn’t focus on the meditation for more than a minute. Every other minute I’d catch my brain wandering into deep thoughts about the craziest things. We were taught by the monk not to get frustrated if the brain wanders as it is more important to just recognize it, acknowledge it, and come back to focus on your body. Nevertheless, it is still hard not to get frustrated since you look around and it looks like everyone else is super focused. To add to the fuel, you can’t talk to anyone so you don’t get to hear what others are going through. You end up just assuming that you are a bad meditator and this isn’t for you. It is insanely frustrating.
More than frustration though, day two and three are full of emotion. I’m not an emotional guy but there are points where you wanna run away, quit, cry or feel panic rush through your body. Why? Because when you meditate for this long, with few outside distractions, your brain digs deep into thoughts. Normally something bad happens in life, let’s say at work or with a friend, and we get sad or mad but then find some stimulus to forget about it. A cold beer, some TV, family time, or really anything that makes us happy. This is great but what it does is push our problems, worries, anger, fear, sadness, etc. to the side.
During extended meditation like this, everything comes out. I mean everything. Everything that occupied your subconscious brain comes pouring out as you sit in the meditation room high up in the mountains. For example, I’d replay over and over again things I was mad at friends about (even many years ago). One second I’d be meditating and the next I’d be replaying an incident that pissed me off and picture myself fighting back. I’d then catch myself and think ”what the hell is going on. I came here to be calm, not mad!”. At other times I’d be meditating and suddenly picture someone close to me dying. One second I’d be focusing on my breath and the next I’d be at their funeral. It got to the point where I almost checked my phone because I was so sure something bad had happened to someone back home.
These were two of the many thoughts that poured out in front of me all day long. The thoughts you experience will vary from mine but you will without a doubt experience a lot of your deeply hidden negative emotions during these days. By the end of day three so many of these kinds of thoughts had occupied most of my meditation time that I was unhappy and ready to leave. My heartbeat felt irregular, I had stomach cramps and I thought well, this is my excuse to get out and leave!
Vipassana Meditation Retreat: Day 4
Then day four started. And our incredible teacher started his Dharma talk again. He said in paraphrased words “[For those that have just started I bet you want to quit. I bet your heart feels funny and your stomach hurts. I bet you’re sad, angry, mad, fearful, and not happy]” I was engaged because this was exactly what I was going through. He then added and said “ [This is normal because when your brain takes in negative emotions your body works in overdrive and the heart and stomach are usually the first things to start feeling weird. Day four is the day when brains usually start adapting to something so stick with it.]” He said all this in a confident and calm voice and it was probably the boost I needed to power through. What I was truly amazed at as I left the talk that morning was how he predicted everything I was feeling up to that point. Just that in itself was enough for me to want to continue. I couldn’t believe how another person understood my body and brain more than I did. I decided at that moment that I wanted to understand myself at that level and that clarity. I wasn’t going to quit.
As day four’s mediation got underway I started to feel different and more engaged. I still got distracted but not nearly as much. More importantly, though I recognized why I felt the things I was feeling. I was able to trace back thoughts of fear and funerals to sudden deaths I had witnessed in my life. I was able to trace back differences with friends and determine why they created negative feelings inside of me. I was able to recognize almost any thought and see it from a third-person perspective. It is as if you were analyzing a character in a movie or a book; You understood where feelings and thoughts come from because you can see the entire picture clearly. There were still points during my meditation where my brain would wander, but once I saw the origin of my thoughts, I had much more control over them. I slowly was able to sit peacefully within my own mind and understand how it was working. For the first time in life, I could see myself clearly.
There also came a point on day four where I had that ah-hah moment. At this moment I realized how much I rely on other things to make me happy in life such as money, nice clothes, good food, parties, success, TV, sports, etc. I saw these things and how they created joyful sensations in my body that then translated into the feeling we all know as happiness. I recognized that over time my brain associated happiness with these “things” and soon I became dependent on them to feel happy. I was a happy man but one who relied on external sources to feel this way (this is the case for most of us as well).
It was during this ah-hah moment that I then saw the power and importance of meditation. There’s a special feeling when you can smile and just be happy within yourself as opposed to needing something to feel happy. I distinctly remember finishing an afternoon round of meditation on this day and just smiling knowing I felt happy and calm even though I had nothing but myself. At this exact moment, I knew I was going to make it through the whole week. It’s an incredible and important day to witness and one I’ll never forget.
Vipassana Meditation Retreat: Day 5-7
Being within myself became a norm and the happiness of meditation only grew. A few days ago I was calculating how many hours left till I would leave this center and now I wanted to stay extra days if I could; A total transformation. I was now meditating for 50 minutes at a time (25 minutes walking and 25 sitting) and doing it with more ease. I felt light, free, unbothered, and most importantly, I understood what was coming into and out of my brain. So many of us are focused on controlling our diets but very few if any take time to understand our own thoughts i.e our brain’s food. What we fear, who we hate, what makes us tick, and so on and so forth. Once you even get a taste of this understanding though, you don’t want it to end. You love seeing yourself, your instincts and emotions more clearly. You love knowing when you are feeding your brain poison and when you are feeding it happiness. You love having a taste of Vipassana or clarity.
My entire body felt extremely healthy and soft. It is hard to describe but you feel light. Almost as if your body is carrying less. The monk would call this entire experience “a cleansing and clearing”. That it was indeed as life really felt like it had a fresh new start. It all sounds cheesy and dramatic but until you experience it, it is hard to believe.
On day 7 I saw the sunrise before my final meditation round and it had to be the most peaceful moment of my entire life. I was fully aware, in the moment and just happy to be there. It was as genuine of a life moment as I will ever have and a fitting way to wrap up the entire week-long journey.
Vipassana Meditation Retreat: My Final Thoughts
If everyone did a retreat like this, there is no doubt in my mind the world would be a better place. It sounds dramatic but I was confident in this thought as soon as I left the center. One of the first things I saw when I was back in the “real world” was a tourist rudely yelling at a driver and calling him “a total moron” All I could think about at that moment was that if only this girl was able to understand her anger instead of just reacting, this whole situation would be calmer. Most of life would be calmer if people could really see what sensations cause their negative emotions. If you don’t, believe me, I found a Ted Talk that explains how a retreat like this changed the lives of inmates who were sentenced to a lifetime in jail (see video below).
I not only recommend this retreat but urge everyone to find a way to do this as soon as possible. Are 7 days enough to alter the way your brain works? Absolutely not, just like 7 days at the gym Isn’t going to make you stronger. I preach the retreat, however, because of the recognition you will get. Recognition of all the junk your brains consume day in and day out; Recognition of all the subconscious thoughts you store over the course of a lifetime; Recognition of your emotions and where they stem from; And recognition of how meditation can change us for the better. I was never a meditation pro, expert, or enthusiast before this but after it, I see its power and you will too.
I know what you are thinking; I don’t need this, or I can do it on my own, or I’m happy in life, why bother. Trust me I cycled through all of these but took the leap of faith and tried it out anyway and it was the best choice of my life. I was a happy person before I did it, but meditation isn’t just for sad people. It is for everyone to understand their inner workings and get control of them. Making it a focus for this one week as opposed to squeezing it when you can in your busy day will provide you the best opportunity to experience the clarity and understanding that I mentioned before.
After all is said and done, you will leave this center feeling cleansed and clear from things you didn’t even know was inside of you. You will leave seeing your health and body through a different lens and understand how your mind is the number one tool to control your well being. Lastly, you will discover that it is possible to be happy with nothing that you have right now. This is the ultimate goal in life because when you love what you have, you never will be at life’s mercy. Dream big, do good, live your life, love lots but always know your happiness is determined by one thing…yourself. Go out and do this meditation retreat it will change you for the better. Please email or contact me if you have further questions about the experience! I would love to assist you in finding the courage to go out and try this. Stay tuned for more lessons and guides from my experience as well!
Nishil,
Thanks so much for sharing. What an experience!
I think it would be beneficial for each of us to go for Vipassana at least once in our lifetime. (May consider it!).
Would make us a much better person and change our outlook on ourselves and LIFE.
Best of Luck in your future travels👍
You’ve managed to put your content in such a genuine way that I could really visualize to a certain extent what the experience would’ve been like. Kudos to you brother. Can’t wait to try this for myself!!
Nish, Amazing experience! Wow it is so well written that I can actually feel how difficult yet amazing experience you had. I am so proud of you and hope that one day I become strong enough to experience this amazing challenge.
Nishil, Vipassana sounds difficult but as I was reading your post and visualising your experience. It feels how rewarding it is in the end. The cleansing of your thoughts inside and out, control your mind and body. Its an amazing experience. I hope to get the opportunity to do it some day. All the best for future travels.
I cannot even imagine how difficult it must have been the first few days as we all are so used to technology for anything we do. When I meditate(the few hours a week), I try and remember what and how you explain. How simple thoughts make such a huge difference in life.
It is slow process but definitely something which will help all of us.
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